The Myth of Seeking an Omnipotent Mentor
As a mentor program coordinator, I have heard variations of the above many times. It is easy to understand how this idea might form in someone’s mind. The notion could stem from exposure to such omnipotent forces as The Fairy Godmother in the classic story of Cinderella. These types of tales are ones to which many of us the world over were exposed as we were growing up. As an adult, one might—even subconsciously—have an earnest aim to find such a “silver bullet someone” who can deliver a substantial degree of smoothness and ease to our life. (Wouldn’t that be nice? The appeal is certainly not lost on me.) In the Cinderella story, first The Fairy Godmother, then The Prince appear as omni-problem-solving elements. I wager, however, that such a “silver bullet” person does not exist.
To keep looking for such a person is not going to help you find that great mentor you seek. If a protégé was to operate this way (looking for an all-encompassing problem-solver as mentor), there are risks. A would-be mentor who picks up on this may refuse to work with a person whom they suspect (rightfully so) is only aiming to ride the mentor’s coattails. Part of a protégé readiness mindset is interest and engagement in developing yourself, along with your willingness to work hard. These positive factors will help you to attract and earn the interest of a good mentor.
Here are a few common mentoring myths, paired with facts, concerning how to approach a career mentoring arrangement that will generate growth and success for you.
Myth: The primary qualification for a good mentor is that they are super-senior.
Fact: The availability of time to take on advising someone in their career grows more restrictive the higher up a person is on the org chart. Often instead, you can build a fruitful mentoring relationship with a smart, successful someone not so high on the org chart but to whom you will have considerable access. This can be a worthwhile trade-off. Honest and steady interaction to explain your workplace challenges and obtain strategies will fuel forward motion for you.
Myth: A mentor will use their numerous connections to pave a smooth path for me.
Fact: While a mentor is one who can make introductions for you to new contacts, most mentors are going to be quite discerning about timing an introduction well, plus only providing introductions directly relevant to your development objectives. For example, a mentor might offer to arrange an informational interview or job shadow. But, after that, it is probably up to you to do something (practical and useful) with the connection. Come up with a reason personally why that connection of your mentor’s should now also become a connection of yours.
Myth: A mentor is someone on whose wide, generous coattails I can ride.
Fact: Relationships set up for an “I’m looking for a door opener (and a smooth ride)” purpose could easily result in the mentor discontinuing what they see as an unproductive, unrewarding association. Remember: This person is busy—they agreed to mentor you because they believed they could impact you in a dynamic way, a way that involves you taking action to bring about forward movement in your career. As with any coach or advisor, the mentor is in the relationship to see what you are going to do with their advice, tips, and wisdom. Moreover, a person who is an expert at their craft arrived at this spot by hard work. This type of willingness to apply yourself to the task at hand is what your mentor will seek to further nurture in you.
Part of being a successful mentee is the willingness to be coached and do the work. Anything flimsy or insincere on your part, a wise mentor will spot and look to yank it out at its root. If its “root” is your unshakable notion that “smoothing things out [for you]” is what you expect from a mentor, means the “root” yanked out will be you! This will leave you no longer with a mentor; also, possibly with someone important in your organization who knows you to be capable of insincerity and a non-desire to work hard. (Ouch. If this is how you inadvertently end up positioning yourself, you will have to strategize to rebuild your reputation.)
See it through the mentor’s eyes: If it is true that we enjoy seeing ourselves in others, then the individual to whom you are going to be drawn to be your mentor likely got to their professional spot owing to hard work. There is just almost no way around this. Very few people are “handed” success. Success instead most commonly arises from very hard work and discipline. This means your mentor will likely consider it a requirement, as well as a point of dignity and honor, to see how your actions reflect to them your own (also) steady work ethic.
In summary:
Fact: Relationships set up for an “I’m looking for a door opener (and a smooth ride)” will often result in the mentor discontinuing the association due to lack of productive rapport.
Fact: A mentor is one who can make introductions for you to new contacts that are relevant to your overall career; it is up to you to do something with those connections.
Fact: Part of being a successful mentee is the willingness to be coached and do the work! You show that you are willing to do what it takes by doing what it takes.
Terms:
coattails, to ride on someone’s: To “ride on someone's coattails” means to make one's good fortune or success on the strength of someone else and is usually implied to mean without a return effort on the part of the beneficiary to the benefactor. The “tails” of one’s coat would be the part that is trailing behind one; thus, in this analogy, a person could simply “hop on” and go where the person is going without applying or investing any effort of their own.
silver bullet: The generally elusive idea of the ‘silver bullet’ refers to one technique or one single effort that does the entire job and does it every time.
